I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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