your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
