He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ketchup is God's man juice
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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