Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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