It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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