At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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