Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
