Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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