Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
