Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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