State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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