their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
