you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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