Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize