I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's the barista slut.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize