I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Of course I have a pirate flag
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
