guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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