The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
