So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
