dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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