My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
