I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
