Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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