My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
