i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
