when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Enjoy the penises
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
