I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize