Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
