could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
