I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Even my vagina gasped.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
