im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
