cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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