Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
