I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
