you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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