A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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