this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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