I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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