I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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