If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
