So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
