He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
