it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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