The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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