I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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