So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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