i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
