I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
