how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize