Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
