I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
