Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
