I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
