i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
