I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
