The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
