Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize