Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
