my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
