Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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