we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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