So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
