Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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