A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
pray to the hookup gods
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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